The Day Chivalry Died: Part I
Posted by Sarah Modene on September 23rd, 2008
“He held the door open for me!”
“Wow, did you see that? That guy just picked up my books!”
“Aw, that little boy just helped his baby sister back up off the ground; how sweet and unusual!”
Do any of these exclamations sound familiar?
They shouldn’t.
In fact, only for the past forty years (or more) have phrases such as these been commonly heard, mainly from within about half of the country’s population. If even a small amount of courtesy is shown towards any woman by any man, it’s usually quite a shock for the person on the receiving end. Often the result is a sputtered torrent of gratitude and widened stares from whichever audience may be watching.
Undoubtedly, many of you have observed how modern society has sorely neglected the time-honored institution of chivalry. Probably, most of you have wondered why this is the case. And perhaps some of you have desired to change this situation and raise the bar once and for all.
And so, thus begins a 3-part series on chivalry, in which we will be focusing on what we can do to fix this growing problem.
First, however, before we deal with any corrections, we need to take the topic apart piece by piece in order to understand its origins, its purpose, and its enemies.
Not just Knights in Shining Armor
Let’s start from square one: chivalry’s history. Usually when I’m researching a topic, the first place I turn to- next to my Bible- is my beloved Oxford American Dictionary. According to its voluminous digital pages, chivalry is “the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.” For a more modern interpretation, it’s also “courteous behavior, especially that of a man towards women.” (And for the more scholastically inclined, “chivalry” is derived from the old French “chevalerie”, which in turn originated from the Latin word “caballarius”, which means “horseman”. Which actually makes sense, as you’ll see in a minute.)
So, there you have it: chivalry is an attitude of courteous deference shown by a man towards women in society.
Chivalry, according to my medieval anthropology resources, was not just protection and courtesy shown towards the female gender. In actuality, it was an entire way of life for knights who desired to prove themselves worthy of their profession and the world’s respect. Chivalric duties included defending the weak and poor from oppression, the practice of virtues such as generosity, compassion, and a “frank spirit”, and the establishment of the “higher” virtues of loyalty and prowess. (Although please don’t ask me why manly strength was considered a virtue in the 14th century, as I’m completely clueless myself.)
In other words, chivalry stemmed from a strong desire to do good in society and eventually, in the prime of the Middle Ages, became an essential code of honor for knights who prized integrity. Although the vein of chivalry that we typically think of today is the type that was largely romanticized by the Victorians, its foundation is primarily Christian in origin. These “codes of honor” were laid out by the Church in hopes of establishing a moral society. Eventually, standards became quite the opposite of the barbaric ways of life held just a few centuries before.
Democratizing Effects
Chivalric ideals and standards expanded through the year, mainly in England, but also in France and Germany. Wealthy merchants and other members of the upper-middle class began to grow in number, and in their rising prestige desired for their sons and children to learn the same teaching as the nobility. As a result, they were educated in aristocratic courts and thus became as fluent in chivalric ideals as their superiors.
According to Wikipedia, this resulted in “… a democratization of chivalry, leading to a new genre called the courtesy book, which were guides to the behavior of ‘gentlemen’. Thus, the post-medieval gentlemanly code of the value of a man’s honor, respect for women, and a concern for those less fortunate, is directly derived from earlier ideals of chivalry and historical forces which created it.”
Gradually, but surely, all classes embraced chivalry consciously and firmly. Those who were chivalrous, no matter what their rank in society- be they a poor peddler or a member of Parliament- were considered to be “well-bred”, “gentlemanly”, “kind-hearted”, “Christian”, and “principled”.
The Gentleman
The word “gentleman” is basically defined as being “noble”, whether by birth or character. Therefore, in 18th century England and beyond, you were not a true gentleman unless you exhibited the characteristics expected of your position. In the mid-19th century, the word came to mean more than birth or rank: it was a distinction of education, manners, and character.
Perhaps William Thackeray summed it up best:
“What is it to be a gentleman? Is it to be honest, to be gentle, to be generous, to be brave, to be wise, and, possessing all these qualities, to exercise them in the most graceful outward manner? Ought a gentleman to be a loyal son, a true husband, an honest father? Ought his life to be decent, his bills to be paid, his taste to be high and elegant, his aims in life lofty and noble?”
In other words, a gentleman was to act like a Christian. That’s really all there is to it.
Decline
Chivalry didn’t “die” on a specific date; nor is it really “dead”. But it certainly has been degraded, trampled upon, and distorted in meaning since its early beginnings.
And how?
Well, next week, we’ll be discussing a generally recent movement: feminism.
(And while you’re waiting, why not fill in a comment box and share your input and thoughts?)
Loved your article…it’s sooooo true. I wish there were more Men & Boys out there who were courtous to Women & young Ladies.
I wish every Man & boy could read this! 
Thank you!
I have spent a good amount of time crying over the fact that I thought that Chivalry died. But it didn’t. Not fully. But I was, in my own way killing it. I believe in traditional roles of men and women, but was also raised to be be independent. So the drama begins. I refused to let men be men in my life. I wanted to prove that I could indeed open a door by myself or walk myself to the car. But by God’s grace and His longsuffering teachings, I have realized that I can still be an independent thinking woman and let a guy open my door. Slowly I am allowing the men in my life to be men. Its a slow process, but one that is worth while. Thank you for opening this topic for thought.